The Lipstick Is My Crack FAQ

Who are you and what is your major malfunction?
I'm Mrs. Badger, an erstwhile journalist (no, you haven't heard of me) (yes, I'm sure) turned mom-of-two turned makeup/clothes/etc. junkie. I also read palms and curse a lot, though not necessarily in that order.

What the hell is this blog about, exactly?
It's about the PRODUCTS. The clothes, the fragrance, the makeup, the skincare and the accessories. Don't confuse the fact that I tell you how I'm wearing/using these products and what I think of them with the idea that this blog is about ME. It's not.

Oh, except when I'm talking about my hair and how much I love/hate it on any given day. Then it's ALL about me.

Yeah, but what's the deal with posting what makeup and clothes you wear every single day? Do you really think anyone cares?
Oh hell no. No one is more surprised than I am that people actually read this shit, seriously. See, what happened was that I used to frequent this usenet group called alt.fashion where there were daily threads on "What Makeup Are You Wearing?" and "What Did You Buy Today?" and whatnot, and I rather enjoyed reading and posting to those threads. It was a fun way to find out what new products were out, what people thought of them, how they were using/wearing them and that sort of thing. The newsgroup still exists but the climate changed such that I lost interest in posting over there. And yet, I missed gushing about my latest shoe purchase or fragrance obsession or kewl new makeup technique or whatever. I'm the type of person who thinks by writing things down because I have a horrible memory, so I liked having a record of sorts of what I'd bought or worn or what outfits drew compliments or whatever. And so I started this online diary thingie.

You seem to use essentially the same skincare products and makeup every single day. Why list them over and over?
I ... I just have to! Don't mock my illness, people! *sobs into a scented hankie*

How long does it take you to type all this in every day? Do you sit there and record every single thing you put on your face/body as you're doing it? Don't you have a LIFE? Why don't you give your money to charity instead of spending it on makeup and junk like that, you filthy whore?!
WOW, that's a lot of questions. Okay. Here goes: I spend approximately five minutes per day on this blog. That's it. Five minutes. If you hang around a while you'll see that I wear/use a lot of the same things over and over, so it's a simple matter of cutting and pasting from old posts and then writing the occasional shopping report and/or product review. The latter is the only thing that takes any time at all, and I don't do it every day. I don't post at all on weekends, and only rarely during the summer. And some days, I just plain forget.

I do NOT write things down as I apply them. Ever. That would be very very tedious, and I have the attention span of a gnat on meth.

Oh, and I have a very nice life, thanks for asking. I'm a freelance writer, a kick-ass wannabe chef, mom to two amazing kids with special needs, and I'm married to a saint. We have a beautiful home in an awesome neighborhood in the best town on Earth with an ironclad support system of family and friends. I not only give money to charity, I donate my time and skills to help raise money for various charitable causes.

Sorry to disappoint you. I am kind of a bitch and I sometimes spend my kids' lunch money on vodka, though, if that makes you feel any better.

Are you fabulously wealthy such that you can buy new stuff and post about it every single day?
Um, no. Have you read my blog? Lipstick is my CRACK. It's not my LIFE (see above). My budget for this stuff is pretty damn small, actually, which is why I buy a lot of cheap drugstore shit.

What's with this mailbox nonsense?
I shop online occasionally and have things delivered, plus I get excited about catalogs and magazines. I'm easily amused. SUE MY ASS.

So The Manolo has linked to you and you've been mentioned in The Times, Allure, the Stars & Stripes and a whole bunch of other publications and whatnot. I bet you think you're really hot shit now, eh?
Now now, don't be silly. One hasn't really arrived until one has been fired for one's blog. Everyone knows that.

I think you actually have to, you know, have a JOB in order to get fired.
Oh. Right. So, um, what if the other moms shun me at the playground because I think Smith's Rosebud Salve is overrated? What if the folks at TJ Maxx get wind of how I hate the way their clearance section is organized? Huh? Where will I be then?!

You'll be the friendless, sad little Cat Lady that everyone seems to think you are now.
*shudder* Damn, I'd better start kissing some Rosebud ass.